but maybe i don't have to choose between taking the bad with the good on either side. maybe i can just have the good parts of both. maybe it's okay if i finish my degree and get a good job, and then a small apartment that i can fill with all the things i could buy from that good job. maybe my life doesn't have to end. maybe i can still have a room full to bursting, maybe i can still have a dollhouse in my dollhouse, all without living in a dollhouse. i've never been good at buying things for myself. i've never been good at decorating. i've always been very bad at it. but i can learn. once i'm out of here, i can learn. i can have a pink bedroom. maybe it's okay that i don't want to be here anymore. maybe that's just a sign that i'm ready to keep going, that i don't have to be scared of what comes after graduation anymore. whatever comes, i won't be here anymore. i'll be out there and i'll be doing something better in a new place that i can see myself in. maybe i'll go to japan and make the most of the opportunity i've been given.

i can be okay.