can i trust you?
yeah you can trust me dude
how can i know that?
have i ever lied to you before?
well, i mean, no, you haven't lied, but...
but what?
but you never told me about all of this! you never told me that i should expect, fucking, life-or-death monster nightmare situations!!!

i feel like i've earned a l-is that really fair?

i said is that really fair

i didnt exactly come into this situation knowing that all this shit would come back up again
how the fuck do you think i feel??

knowing that not only do i have to deal with this shit all over again, but now the people i love are being dragged into it too
babe, i-
and now i have no choice but to tough it out! im the one with actual experience in this situation so i have to be the one to manage it and make sure everything is ok and help when everyone else is hurt because how would anyone else know what to do? nobody else here has been through this before so that means its all on me

its all on me to make sure everyone is safe and that everyone knows how to protect themselves if i cant be there to protect them

and i gotta be there to protect them

but im scared too

im scared cause i barely understand it either because it wasnt a curse upon me in the first place its secondhand garbage from the people i dont even associate with anymore

people who never even gave me the chance to stand up against these kinds of threats

but since im technically the one thats seen it before and since its my fault anyway tha-it's not your- that these things are happening i have to-

no, no, don't- please don't cry... i shouldn't have yelled, i'm sorry, i-
im so fucking scared
i know. i know, baby.
i dont know how much longer i can pretend im okay
you don't have to... i shouldn't have lashed out. i was scared, and i wasn't thinking, and...
but it is my-!
...i appreciate that you're trying. i do. i appreciate that you're trying to keep calm so nobody freaks out, but...
but... but what?
but it's not working! nobody reacts to shit like this by... not reacting!

i know that you're just trying to give us some kind of stability or whatever, but this isn't stability because this isn't you!

forcing yourself to be okay with all of this doesn't make us feel better. what makes us feel better is you.

not some idea about the way we think you behave, babe. we- i don't want some stagnant column to lean on. i just want... you.

try to have a little faith in us, okay? we can help you, too.


thank you...

i love you.