how much pain in my joints and how often? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much magical thinking and disorganized thought? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much on the adverse childhood experiences chart? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much aversion to romance and intimacy? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much memory loss and how often? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much trauma-based nightmares and flashbacks? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much paranoia and under what circumstances? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much time spent around an abuser? because i don't think i'm there yet.
how much will it take? how much do i need? how much before it starts to count?
i'll start counting. i will. i'll start counting if that's what you want.
i'll do anything. i'll be good. i swear i'll be good. i will.
please just let me be there now. i can't stand it here anymore.
i'll start counting. please, please god just let me be there.
